I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
Omg I joined a choir last night...
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