Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
