They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
Randomize
