So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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