i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
