Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
I just blew my weed a kiss
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
Randomize
