Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
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