Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Randomize
