apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
It's shark week go big or go home
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
Randomize
