Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
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