i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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