I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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