i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
Randomize
