you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
i was looking up hair salons in ithaca for the wedding and one is a hair salon/ sake bar! you can have sake or champagne while you get your hair done!
question, how would one sake-bomb while getting hair done without getting a horrible haircut?
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
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