I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
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