I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
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