he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
i'm transferring to degrassi. i don't care that it's severely canadian. classes are five minutes long, there's no actual work and you can get oot of class whenever you want to go have a dramatic scene with someone in the hall
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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