I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
