I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
