I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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