Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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