My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
How drunk are you?
Completed.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Randomize