if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
Randomize
