I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
