I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
Randomize
