i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
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