Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
I believe in your delicious
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
Randomize