drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
Randomize
