Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
Randomize
