it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
Randomize
