I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
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