My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
Randomize