She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
Randomize
