i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
I understand Curling. That high.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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