I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
Randomize
