My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
