There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
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