checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Two words: nipple clamps
Randomize
