Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
i drank out of a bidet.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
