we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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