You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
Randomize
