Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
If its not for food we ain't going out.
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
Randomize
