she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
