So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
