It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
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