Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
Hello my rib-scented angel!
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
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