at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
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