2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Randomize
