so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
I forgot how hot balto sounded
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
Randomize
