i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize