I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
Randomize
