She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
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