there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
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