Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
