if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
