Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
Randomize
