I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
Randomize
