you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
