There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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