ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Randomize
