Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
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