I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
My ass is underappreciated
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
Randomize
